You are amazing.

I haven't felt so strongly about life in a long time.

For most of my life, I've never been passionate about anything except for getting A grades. Well, as coincidence and fate would have it, now I've gotten a B+ in Organic Chemistry and have simultaneously found my long missing drive. I am a blogger. I feel I can say that with real truth now. I started this blog out of boredom and because I wanted to put myself on the internet. Then I blogged because I had made a promise to post every day. Now I blog because I love it. I really do. I feel liberated, like I can finally defeat the voice that has always told me that I wasn't funny enough, likable enough, eloquent enough, or creative enough to do anything like this. This blog is helping me restore some of the humanity that I'd lost, even though it is simultaneously pulling me further and further into the depths of the internet.

I also love vlogging. I'm bad at it, but I love it. I figure it's like instant immersion in a different culture - I learn as I go. However, though blogging is good for my self-esteem, vlogging is likely hurting it. The thing is that, as I said earlier, I know I'm no good at it. I've got little-to-no charisma, bad lighting, a low-res webcam, and a really poor quality microphone. Even when I look at Charlie McDonnell's early videos, I can see the humor and presence that carried him all the way to the top. I don't have any trace of that. Even so, I am set on completing my sort-of-super-secret video project (and yes, it is secret because it's different than the one I mentioned a month ago. The project evolves fast). The only problem is that I desperately, DESPERATELY need a decent camera, and I'm really not sure that I can get access to one without dropping several hundred dollars. This is my dilemma. I want to film, but I can't, and every day that passes reminds me that the clock is ticking on my deadline. It hurts. I guess that's a good sign though - it means I finally care about something. I wouldn't get rid of that pain if I could.

I have a hobby now. A true hobby. And for that, I thank you. All of you. Your support means the world to me. Your kind comments have propelled me to where I am now. It might not be a great place from an external perspective - only a handful of visible subscribers to this blog and none to my YouTube, no YouTube comments, only three bad quality videos - but I see it for what it is. It is my legacy in the making. It is a place where some people come to be entertained once a day. It is a kind of journal - something I always wanted but could never keep on my own - where I can keep a record of myself as I am. It is a place I feel loved. Thank you all so, so much. You have made my life so much richer. Now, time to find a camera and keep the dream alive!

Note: Apologies for any typos, this has to go unedited for the time being.

Update: This is post is NOT meant to guilt people into subscribing/commenting. I appreciate the encouraging comments I've been getting regarding my videos, but I am really, really not trying to fish for complements. This post is all about what you and this blog have done for me. This is a thank-you post, not a pity-me post. I would also like to clarify that I am very proud of my vlogs, even if I think they are rather low quality. :)

Sea World is a Ninja

Apparently, theme parks can be stealthy and pop up where you least expect them.



On a separate note, I was asked by a friend if she was allowed to plug my blog. I thought I'd made it obvious before, but the answer is YES. This is not meant to be a private blog. If it does just turn out to be for my friends, that's fine. But I love to entertain people, and I would like as many people to read my blog as the internet allows. I just wanted to clarify that point.

Update: Apparently spending an extra hour on HD processing does nothing to bring the video back up to its original quality. Never. Again.

Cooties vs. Crawfish

Here is my second vlog. If any of you went to my YouTube channel yesterday, you probably noticed that this video was posted then. You get extra imaginary cookies for that, but no new blog post.



I'll be back tomorrow with hopefully a little more time on my hands and some stories to tell!

Trope Girl Enters the Vlogosphere

In a misguided attempt to save time on my blog by avoiding MS Paint, I decided to make a video.  Apparently it takes over seven minutes to get about a minute-and-a-half of video uploaded to YouTube.  The video and sound quality aren't great, but my webcam does the best that it can.  Also please forgive the lack of scripting and any sloppy editing; I really am working under a deadline.

I think a little more introspection might be in order.

You find inspiration.  The motivation you've been lacking for so long finally kicks in.  You're going to make real progress on your project, the one that makes you excited but also terrified, the one that could change your life forever, bring you into a community, and let you prove to yourself that you are actually creative.  But first, you need the materials.  You need to watch and eventually buy an episode of a TV show, but not just any episode, THE episode.  You could probably find another, but in your mind only that one will do (you have access to a version in Spanish and have already put a lot of thought into it).

First, you check YouTube.  Only parts 2 and 3 are there.  You hunt around desperately, resorting to Google video, but part 1 is just not there.

You don't panic.  Everything is on the internet somewhere.  You try every means you can think of, avoiding the downloading sites because you're terrified of viruses, the long arm of the law, and your own hardcore guilt-trip issues.  Nothing meets your requirements.

You check Amazon because you heard that you can buy single episodes there.  Great!  You love the idea of buying the episode now and getting it immediately.  But the episode isn't there, and you don't have the time/money/patience to buy a full season DVD and wait for it to ship.

You check iTunes and find that they DO sell episodes individually!  You check the season that should hold your episode...and it isn't there.  It isn't anywhere.  You check and recheck, desperation turning into resignation.

Suddenly, you realize that you are a college student who has spent a good half-hour chunk of the best years of her life hunting down an episode of Dora the Explorer.  You examine your life seriously for a few seconds.  Then you take a shower and start to mentally prepare yourself to begin research on other usable and iTunes-available episodes of Dora the Explorer.

I just wanted to take a nap, that's all...

This evening, I tried to take a nap in the hour before my friend was going to call about fixing dinner.  This is what happened instead.

First, the formerly-latent creative part of my brain decided to start spouting off ideas really urgently...AGAIN.  It seems to hibernate while I'm awake and then wake up with a bang as soon as I try to fall asleep.

Then I noticed the drummers outside.  They drummed a really repetitive rhythm almost non-stop for at least an hour or an hour-and-a-half.

Then my fridge decided to act up.  While it is useful to have a fridge acting as a makeshift bedside table, I clearly didn't think the consequences all the way through before I put it right next to my bed.

Finally, just when I was starting to filter out the distractions and drift off, the phone rang.  C'est la vie.

(and then I found five dollars)

P.S.  First person to point out the pop-culture reference in this blog wins imaginary internet cookies!

Edit: I have to give half-points for Fat Albert and "Hey hey hey", but that's actually not the reference I was thinking of.  Also, in terms of the reference, I ONLY want the name of the show (there are people reading who do not need any spoilers).  I'll know if you actually know what I'm talking about (as opposed to a shot in the dark) by who you are.

Stage Beauty

Once again I must admit defeat, the deadline is fast approaching and I must blog quickly.  No drawings today then.  However, the reason that I ran out of time was that some friends were visiting whom I don't get to see very often.  We watched a movie called Stage Beauty, which, if you were paying attention to the title of this post, is today's topic.

The movie is about the era when all female theater roles were played by men.  I don't want to say much more than that because the movie is something that deserves to be discovered on its own.  What I'm about to write is true of any movie, but the less you know going in, the happier you'll be.  It's not critical to go in without reading the back of the DVD case, but I know I was happier that way.

Anyway, the movie is one of the most interesting studies of gender I've seen in a long time.  It is a movie that could be read as either highly problematic or very unproblematic in its portrayal of gender; I tend strongly toward the latter.  Now, before you run away, I am not usually a person who goes for gender studies issues; however, the movie impressed me because it put the issues in an interesting context and wove them skillfully into a good story.  I very much enjoyed the movie and would strongly recommend it, whether you're looking for something to think about or whether you just want to have fun.