In forty minutes, I turn 21. Or maybe it's 8 hours and 40 minutes. Birthdays are profoundly disorienting when you're an ocean and a continent away from the time zone you were born and (mostly) raised in. Hell, I wasn't actually born until about 5:17 AM (or thereabouts), so maybe I'm not really 21 until it's 1:17 PM here. I never really had to deal much with that question back home, having been born at an ungodly hour before most people even consider waking up.
All I know is that for some reason, this really matters to me. Maybe it's because turning 21 is a really important birthday in the U.S. Maybe it's because it's the last birthday where you gain privileges rather than simply get one year closer to the grave. It doesn't really matter here, though. I bought a beer around two weeks ago just for the hell of it (and to try and train myself to hate the taste less), and it was all perfectly legal. Mostly, though, I think I just miss my family and friends from back home. Here I don't have anyone I know well enough to celebrate the midnight turnover with.
I think my 20th year has been a good one, and probably one of my most interesting so far. I built a hammer, discovered the vlogging community on YouTube (yay Charlie McDonnell), found the true potential of blogs (Hyperbole and a Half) watched a Doctor Who season as it aired for the first time, started blogging, moved three times, had a summer job making faces at crayfish, went to VidCon, started vlogging, made friends and got subscribers on YouTube, found out how to use a Hamiltonian in quantum chemistry, learned the entire mechanism for digesting glucose (then promptly forgot it), learned genetics, learned Linear Algebra, wrote a paper on yeast and Fourier Transform Infrared Spectroscopy, discovered some awesome hammocks, beat Mass Effect 2, went to a California beach for the first time, woke up early to watch the World Cup, discovered a Very Potter Musical, beat the first boss on Ninja Gaiden, got most of the way through Jade Empire, lived in a house for the first time, made friends with my housemates, drank alcohol for the first time (peach beer is disgusting, yo), left the country to study in Scotland, met people from all over the world, and wrote an essay on The Irish Question, which I turned in today.
You know what? I've just confirmed something that I've believed for a long time. See, before I started writing that list, I hadn't even thought about most of those items, including VidCon. Frakking VidCon, THE highlight of my life so far (no joke). The only reason I thought I'd had a really interesting year was Scotland. But looking back, I lived this year. That's the thing. We live more than we think we do, more than our memories let us remember right off the bat. At least it's true for me. For example, I always think about how much time I wasted as a child playing video games and watching TV. But then I find myself talking about all these really obscure things I did or learned or saw or thought growing up, and I realize that my life happens. I don't know how to explain it better than that. I have wasted a lot of time, but I have also accomplished a ton of things and seen and felt a lot.
You know what? I think I'm ready to turn 21 now. I wasn't before. I still feel a bit sad, because if homesickness is going to kick in when you're abroad, it's going to be on your birthday. But I'm okay. When I started this year, I was a Washingtonian. However, my homesickness tells me that I am now Californian as well. And if my regret at the semester moving too fast is any indication, I have a home here in Scotland too. I can't help but feel lucky that wherever I go, I now have the option of being homesick for three different places.
Now if you'll excuse me, I turn 21 in five minutes. And then again in 8 hours and five minutes, and then one more time in 13 hours and 21 minutes. How many people are fortunate enough to turn 21 three times in one day?
All I know is that for some reason, this really matters to me. Maybe it's because turning 21 is a really important birthday in the U.S. Maybe it's because it's the last birthday where you gain privileges rather than simply get one year closer to the grave. It doesn't really matter here, though. I bought a beer around two weeks ago just for the hell of it (and to try and train myself to hate the taste less), and it was all perfectly legal. Mostly, though, I think I just miss my family and friends from back home. Here I don't have anyone I know well enough to celebrate the midnight turnover with.
I think my 20th year has been a good one, and probably one of my most interesting so far. I built a hammer, discovered the vlogging community on YouTube (yay Charlie McDonnell), found the true potential of blogs (Hyperbole and a Half) watched a Doctor Who season as it aired for the first time, started blogging, moved three times, had a summer job making faces at crayfish, went to VidCon, started vlogging, made friends and got subscribers on YouTube, found out how to use a Hamiltonian in quantum chemistry, learned the entire mechanism for digesting glucose (then promptly forgot it), learned genetics, learned Linear Algebra, wrote a paper on yeast and Fourier Transform Infrared Spectroscopy, discovered some awesome hammocks, beat Mass Effect 2, went to a California beach for the first time, woke up early to watch the World Cup, discovered a Very Potter Musical, beat the first boss on Ninja Gaiden, got most of the way through Jade Empire, lived in a house for the first time, made friends with my housemates, drank alcohol for the first time (peach beer is disgusting, yo), left the country to study in Scotland, met people from all over the world, and wrote an essay on The Irish Question, which I turned in today.
You know what? I've just confirmed something that I've believed for a long time. See, before I started writing that list, I hadn't even thought about most of those items, including VidCon. Frakking VidCon, THE highlight of my life so far (no joke). The only reason I thought I'd had a really interesting year was Scotland. But looking back, I lived this year. That's the thing. We live more than we think we do, more than our memories let us remember right off the bat. At least it's true for me. For example, I always think about how much time I wasted as a child playing video games and watching TV. But then I find myself talking about all these really obscure things I did or learned or saw or thought growing up, and I realize that my life happens. I don't know how to explain it better than that. I have wasted a lot of time, but I have also accomplished a ton of things and seen and felt a lot.
You know what? I think I'm ready to turn 21 now. I wasn't before. I still feel a bit sad, because if homesickness is going to kick in when you're abroad, it's going to be on your birthday. But I'm okay. When I started this year, I was a Washingtonian. However, my homesickness tells me that I am now Californian as well. And if my regret at the semester moving too fast is any indication, I have a home here in Scotland too. I can't help but feel lucky that wherever I go, I now have the option of being homesick for three different places.
Now if you'll excuse me, I turn 21 in five minutes. And then again in 8 hours and five minutes, and then one more time in 13 hours and 21 minutes. How many people are fortunate enough to turn 21 three times in one day?
Memory is but a rabbit hole; you need to take the first steps downwards before you can lose yourself in the warren.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Didn't you participate in Humans vs. Zombies? Holy freak, you were a ZOMBIE, and you didn't include that? :P
And last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Because I cannot in good conscience buy you beer or wine, I will buy you a non-alcoholic drink from the Press in the Village when you come home, m'kay? I fully expect you to hold me to that promise, sheerly for the absurdity of it :)
You don't like the taste of beer? You're not drinking the right beer! Wait until you get home and I'll show you a sweet little pub in Renton where there are some lovely, delicious beers.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! You can still drink yourself into a happy stupor - try vodka, please do! I dislike beer unless it's got the right amount of lemonade in it :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, when you get back here, I do believe we can arrange for a bit of fun in Seattle. I know some happy hours :)
The taste of beer really isn't what it is cracked up to be. Especially peach beer.
ReplyDeleteAnd as to realizing that you're from many places...what is it that the Wizard of Oz said, "a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." ...many friends love you very much from all over...
Happy 21st birthday!!
--TWAIO--