You are amazing.

I haven't felt so strongly about life in a long time.

For most of my life, I've never been passionate about anything except for getting A grades. Well, as coincidence and fate would have it, now I've gotten a B+ in Organic Chemistry and have simultaneously found my long missing drive. I am a blogger. I feel I can say that with real truth now. I started this blog out of boredom and because I wanted to put myself on the internet. Then I blogged because I had made a promise to post every day. Now I blog because I love it. I really do. I feel liberated, like I can finally defeat the voice that has always told me that I wasn't funny enough, likable enough, eloquent enough, or creative enough to do anything like this. This blog is helping me restore some of the humanity that I'd lost, even though it is simultaneously pulling me further and further into the depths of the internet.

I also love vlogging. I'm bad at it, but I love it. I figure it's like instant immersion in a different culture - I learn as I go. However, though blogging is good for my self-esteem, vlogging is likely hurting it. The thing is that, as I said earlier, I know I'm no good at it. I've got little-to-no charisma, bad lighting, a low-res webcam, and a really poor quality microphone. Even when I look at Charlie McDonnell's early videos, I can see the humor and presence that carried him all the way to the top. I don't have any trace of that. Even so, I am set on completing my sort-of-super-secret video project (and yes, it is secret because it's different than the one I mentioned a month ago. The project evolves fast). The only problem is that I desperately, DESPERATELY need a decent camera, and I'm really not sure that I can get access to one without dropping several hundred dollars. This is my dilemma. I want to film, but I can't, and every day that passes reminds me that the clock is ticking on my deadline. It hurts. I guess that's a good sign though - it means I finally care about something. I wouldn't get rid of that pain if I could.

I have a hobby now. A true hobby. And for that, I thank you. All of you. Your support means the world to me. Your kind comments have propelled me to where I am now. It might not be a great place from an external perspective - only a handful of visible subscribers to this blog and none to my YouTube, no YouTube comments, only three bad quality videos - but I see it for what it is. It is my legacy in the making. It is a place where some people come to be entertained once a day. It is a kind of journal - something I always wanted but could never keep on my own - where I can keep a record of myself as I am. It is a place I feel loved. Thank you all so, so much. You have made my life so much richer. Now, time to find a camera and keep the dream alive!

Note: Apologies for any typos, this has to go unedited for the time being.

Update: This is post is NOT meant to guilt people into subscribing/commenting. I appreciate the encouraging comments I've been getting regarding my videos, but I am really, really not trying to fish for complements. This post is all about what you and this blog have done for me. This is a thank-you post, not a pity-me post. I would also like to clarify that I am very proud of my vlogs, even if I think they are rather low quality. :)