I think I just found one of my buttons.

You know, I had something funny prepared to write today, but I guess that's just going to have to wait until tomorrow.  This post is not funny.  It is serious, and although I don't want this blog to turn into me airing my grievances, I won't be able to focus on blogging properly until I get this off my chest.  I also want to say that though this blog takes its inspiration from differences of opinion, this post is not going to be about whose opinion is right or wrong (as hard as it may be to not write about that).  This is about the best and worst ways to support a viewpoint such that other people will actually listen.  

My afternoon:

Image from http://xkcd.com/386/

I want to preface this by saying that I can count on three fingers the number of times I can remember getting into an internet argument/debate.  I generally avoid getting into internet debates like the plague because I, like everyone else, has seen how they turn out on YouTube (see the TVTropes page on GIFT).  Usually no-one ends up either victorious or happy.  The first time was a debate about the finale of Battlestar Galactica, in which both sides were actually quite polite and I think a mutual agreement/respect was achieved.  The second was a Facebook debate about feminism, which never devolved into a horrifying mess but which basically ended with everyone realizing that an agreement was not going to be reached.  I can accept that.  The third is what I am about to describe.  It is once again rooted in feminism (though this time I found myself disagreeing with someone from the opposite side of the spectrum), but the topic that I disagreed with was not actually what set me off.


Today, I was directed to an article which was a self-proclaimed "radical feminist" analysis of a popular TV show.  Now, I consider myself a feminist, but I disagreed with much of what the author was writing.  Like I said, I'm not going to go into that.  Reading through the article and the comments, I let everything slide because my general way of thinking is that everyone has the right to their own opinion, no matter what I may believe.  However, there was one thing that just completely sent me over the edge.  One person who had read her article left the following comment:


"While I realise you hate my sex, may a gay man comment on what has been a facinating read?"


The author of the post had the following response.


"I don't hate your sex, I hate your gender. If you don't understand what I mean by that then go and do your feminist homework before attempting to take up space on my blog."


This response riled me up enough that I wrote an email, and since I don't feel like completely rewriting what I've already written, here's the main body of the email I sent to her:


"This man, a man who is, due to his sexuality, probably trying to fight the establishment in many of the ways you are, is trying to complement you. He wants to open a discussion. He is trying to present himself as an ally.  [...]

"You shut him down and chased him away because he didn't use one word in the way you consider correct. He's clearly interested in what you have to say, so why not explain the difference to him yourself? Educate him. Maybe just give him a few links to look at explaining the difference. Then tell him that you would like to talk more about this issue which is clearly so important to you. 

"The battle of equality is not going to be won by locking people out. If you want to convince people of the validity your viewpoint, you have to be willing to talk to them first. Otherwise you give your movement a bad name. Listen, I'm a feminist too. [...] But it's hard to get these things rolling when part of our movement exudes blind, mass hatred (reminder, you used "hate" in your comment - I'm not pulling that out of thin air) for so much of society with little chance of letting people in. It makes me sad to say it, but in some ways it seems to me that you are hurting the cause. I know that is not your goal. Please, please, please let people engage in conversation with you. Your ideas deserve to be heard and discussed. Right now, you are the major reason why it's not happening."

I wish I'd edited the message when I'd had a cooler head to check aggression levels and grammar, but it is what it is.  Anyway, the point is not the feminism, the point is that locking out outsiders by shutting down communication is detrimental to people trying to spread a message.  It causes resentment and misunderstanding and can lead to many larger problems down the road.  If someone expresses interest in an idea that you care about, guide them though it!  


Anyway, that's my thought for today.  Hopefully the funny will return tomorrow.